Damned Worthy
by SeaThreePeeO
Summary: A short two part fiction drabble , Toying with some ideas. May change or improve on later. Raph and Leo central. They're brothers, but do they really know each other? Are they exact opposites or more alike then they would both care to admit? UPDATED!
1. Raphael

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or associated characters. They remain in part the property of Mirage Studios and Nickelodeon (Viacom). I make no financial gain from this fiction

Raphael

Damned Worthy

I am watching, waiting. Your skin glistens and shimmers with each shift movement, your breath escapes ragged as you push yourself harder, further until you're past the point you've reached before. Determined to cross the unseen line visible to your eyes only. What for? For honour, perfection?

For family. Or for your own self gratification. Again and again, so locked up in your own self importance, bound so tight that you cannot see, feel anything, anyone.

What makes you so damned worthy, better then any of us, all of us? Better then me? Your strength, poise and balance, both physical and mental? Your unwavering loyalty, the confidence that you have what it takes to decide the fate of another, of any other in a breath, a heartbeat? The blink of an eye?

Or your unique ability to suck up and kiss ass? You don't know me, you never have, never will. You think that you know all that I am thinking, feeling. You know nothing.

You don't know the dark places I have travelled, the sinister recesses of my mind, the sharp fingers that claw and reach to taint my soul. The things I must do to quell the foul demons and silence the shrill cries that echo through the very fibre of my being. You have no understanding of the burdens that I must shoulder and carry to keep you safe.

The rage, the anger and frustration that bubbles close to the surface, hissing, cracking to seep out. The acrid burn that I must swallow. It seems that I am sinking, slowly slipping beneath the cloying, thick black surface of the twisting hatred I feel for everything that denies us our existence.

Why were you the chosen one, why not me? Everything you are now I could be, if only I had been given the chance, the chance to prove myself, the chance to show that I, I was damned worthy.

You don't know me, brother.


	2. Leonardo

Leonardo

Damned Worthy

I am watching, waiting. I can feel your hateful glare as it cuts through me, your skin taught and tense in the muted light. Each punctuating breath deep, slowly calculated as they fan the flames of your rage. Your contemptuous rage, so tangible it taints all around it. I can feel the stinging sensation of it's bitter gagging taste as it consumes my senses.

What is it you strive for, hope to prove again and again by alienating those closest to you, those that care for you? So caught up in your self inflicted anguish and bleak torments, that you are unable to see what is staring you in the face.

What makes you so damned worthy? To be free? To allow yourself that which I can only dream, to be devoured by your own emotions allowing them to spill and run forth corrupting those around you? To truly be yourself without the hesitation the need to hold back or test your own intentions. Your self righteous pity, your blinkered introspective gaze?

Or your ability to block out, silence all that you do not wish to feel, to hear, to see. You don't know me, you never have, never will. You think that you know all that I am thinking, feeling. You know nothing.

You have no concept of the sacrifices that I have made and must continue to yield. For you, for all of you. The responsibilities, frustrations, the heavy burdens that I must carry, shoulder alone, to keep you safe. The sinister secrets clasped tight within the very pit of my soul, raging, threatening, clawing to burst forth and obliterate all that we hold dear.

All that you are, I could have been. If only I wasn't the one chosen, the one who's dreams hopes and self were smothered, the flickering embers snuffed out so that all of you could be free, safe. The one that has to prove to determine that they, they are damned worthy.

You don't know me, brother.


End file.
